Time to stick a fork in me for now.

Guys, I fucked up. I have become a stupid frigging mess. I will start at the beginning and let you guys all see how I did this to myself.

A couple months ago, life was going well. I had a very good new job, was getting married soon, was killing sngs and cash games and had rolled up to almost 1k from about a hundred. Then as you all know, I got canned. That is when the fit hit the shan.

Within hours of being put on “administrative leave”, I started my crash on poker. In the first 4 days I had tilted off almost ¾ of my bankroll. I stopped playing for a short time and soon started playing only sngs. It was a just a slow bleeding with that. I couldn’t get back on track. I tried to stick to reasonable rates and still wasn’t finding my way out.

During that time, you might have noticed that I no longer was voicing my opinions on 67 threads on theory, gameplay, or anything else that was remotely related to the actual game of poker. I also stopped working on theory and other gameplay articles that I had been working on and submitting. I stopped looking to help others and stopped helping myself as well.

Poker has become more obsessive. I think about it an alarming amount and since my game has more holes then a screen window, it is not productive. My game continues to sink into oblivion with occasional moments of my previous skill. I can touch it and feel it at times but I can’t get it to hold. I have become self destructive to my bankroll. I am not busto yet but I am not that far away either. One more good tilt and I am done.

Also, problems with cash for the coming wedding, child support, and other day to day living has become an another stress builder. I have become more of an annoying asshole then I would have ever believed possible. I am even more short tempered and grumpy. I am often sullen and withdrawn. Rachel and I are having problems with all the extra stress. If she didn’t love me so much(I really don’t know why) she would have already called off the wedding with all the stress we are under.

Even with the new job, the stress is still there. It pays a whole heck of a lot less then the last job and to be honest, the owners really don’t have a solid idea of how and what I am supposed to be doing.

So, the bottom line is I am done. Stick a fork in me. Poker is not a part of my life for the moment. I have to cut it away from me. I am transferring Rachel my remaining funds to hold at the moment. I am not going to play for a while, not going to read about it for a while, and not going to post about it for a while. I need to get healthy again.

Take care for now. Talk with you all later. Bye.

Signed, your fucktard buddy,

Ezarc